Sunday, 22 April 2018

Here's To Being Young & Unsure & Self Employed Too

Being self employed scares me, it always has. Its living in a constant unsure state of whether you're getting paid or not, whether work is coming or going - and even when you get work through you can bet your ass its not a done deal. The amount of little exasperated tears I have shed over almost securing paid work to take a weight off my shoulders for it to come tumbling down with a few lines of email.

I forget sometimes, to take a minute to look at the position I am in. I love what I am trying my hardest to succeed in, and I am only young. I am 20 years old, and sometimes, when I am surrounded by successful 20somethings it makes me forget how much time I have on my hands. I feel the weight of the world to have everything together, functioning and successful every single day.
In all fairness, I need to keep on my A game, I am personally responsible for my own income, and its my responsibility if nothing comes in. But thats the game of being self employed, its my responsibility to get the payments then chase them.

Looking at my age, I have a lot of things I feel I should have figured out by now. If I had followed a 'normal' path, I would be in my second year of university not having to stress over whether I have any money coming in, or having a full time business to run (can I call myself a business??). I would be taking classes and doing work and I would be comfortable that this was how my at least the next year would be, then I would be all on my own.
In the next 6 months, I am hoping to move out to my own place. Its a scary thing, being self employed is a hard situation to put yourself in and allow yourself to feel stable. But absolutely loving what you do always helps, so I am blessed in that respect.

I rely on the approval of others, most of them people I don't know, and thats my life. Being young, I feel like this is how it is. Your parents may or may not agree with your life choices, nor your friends. Your work you're putting is usually for the benefit of others, your boss. If they don't like it? There are consequences. In your younger years, I feel like its half about carving your own path, half about trying not to roll over too much for others around you.

I know what I want from life, and I know my values. Its just figuring out exactly how to get to where I want to go, and making sure I don't sell myself out for something I get no joy from along the way. I know its getting to the time of year when university students will be finishing their degrees, and people finishing their A Levels with university looming at the end of the year, and I think it all rings true throughout.

We feel so pressured to have all of our shit together at such a young age, choosing exam subjects, degrees, placements, jobs and everything in-between usually before we even get the chance to hit 21. People have come to me and been in awe at what I do at such a young age, and in a way I am proud of the route I have taken. However by no means does that mean I have any more of a clue than the next 20 year old studying a degree, or in full time work. I am bloody making it up as I go along and aren't we all.

I think we all need to know, and I need to remember to remind myself, that everything comes and goes and you seize what you can and you work hard at what you've put your mind to at the present time. If you're lucky enough to know where it is you want to focus your efforts then run with it, you're luckier than you know. For the rest of us, its totally cool. You know what you like, what you don't and what you're heart truly enjoys. By refusing to settle in any aspect of your life at a young age, you're succeeding, and this is what I am trying to live by.

You control what you can, and you confront what you can't. Oh, and make sure you give yourself a pat on the back every now and again along the way. You deserve it.

Make sure you scroll down a little to shop this post, I bloody love this look.

Love, H



  1. Such a lovely post Hayleigh! I can completely relate - however I feel like you have your shit much mor together than me haha.

    I’m so excited to hear your moving out and it’s always amazing to see all the fabulous things you do! Good luck to you gorgeous lady! xxx

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