Wednesday, 13 November 2013

Have confidence in who you want to be.

I've noticed, as one of life's 'observers', where I sit and watch the world go by when I visit places, whether it be town or another country even that I always admire those who stand out in a crowd, those who dare to show what they really want to look like and who they are. I was thinking and I realised that being able to bring yourself to wear those tight jeans, or go for that stand out look is mainly a mind over matter affair, and actually a pretty hard thing to bring yourself to do. I used to feel trapped by social conventions with what I felt I should and had to wear. Trends within the social groups come and go but they tend to come and go in a way by where everybody wears it at once, it becomes laborious and then is discarded to another oncoming storm if unison. 

Looking back at myself two or three years ago I have to admit I was one of those people, I felt that I needed to dress in a certain way to feel accepted, listen to a certain kind of music to be regarded as 'cool' but the truth in it all is, when you see that person walking down the high street that stands out in the crowd, and turns all those heads you secretly envy them, or at least I do. It was after a school trip to New York, where me and my '5eva bestie' Fiona realised how open the world of originality and fashion actually was, with each of us deciding out outfits before the month of the trip even arrived. New York made me discover how I really wanted to be as a person from the outside, the aesthetics that I wanted everybody else to see. Both Fiona and I looks fabulous on the trip, I will not lie to you, forever borrowing each others clothes and me waking up every morning to do not only my eyeliner, but everyone else's within my room... 

I'm not sure if anyone who has had the immense pleasure of visiting New York has felt the same, but I felt a massive sense of individuality, maybe that explains it's 'Fashion Capital' status throughout the world. Everyone had something different about them, much like everyone, but here there was almost no fear of showing this individual flair. Walking around Central Park I'd never felt so comfortable within myself, wearing in a pair of vintage high waisted shorts, a decadent oversized shirt covered in lobsters and chips, my fathers old vintage denim shirt, creepers borrowed off Fiona and sporting my infamous 'Lennon' glasses as my dad insists on calling them. Fiona, in denim shorts, studded creepers, a borrowed shirt and braces, looking fabulous I may add, her and I wandered through New York feeling proud of ourselves.

Because after all, even if we won't admit it, the biggest fear in most peoples minds is how other people see you and perceive you. I've been reminded many a time by Matt how silly it is that I worry over other peoples opinions of me, but the fact of the matter is that I'm definitely not as bad as I used to be. I have confidence within myself to wear what I want to, and express how I feel through my clothing and the music I listen to, maybe that explains the utter dominance of darkness within my ever expanding wardrobe. I remember seeing people in an outfit and thinking gosh I wish I had the courage to look like that, after New York, I think I did. I started to instead of spending my spare time being a couch potato I willingly opted to spend this time going through my wardrobe and coming up with outfits. In the beginning it started only as imagining myself within these outfits, but I started to mix up my style on holidays and outings to places where the likelihood of me bumping into someone I knew was seldom. However after a while I realised that the way it made me feel, was myself really, I have no other way if explaining it. Now, when planning those outfits in my spare time, I put more effort and creativity into them. And instead of tidying them back away into my wardrobe, I keep them out as tomorrow's outfit. When I see inspiration, instead of admiring fashion, I create my own fashion. 

Allowing yourself to dress how you want and be who you want, listen to who you wants and choose how you want to live your life is so important I can't even begin to stress. Music inspired much of my fashion, I tend to be the more heavier side to the rock genre along with Fiona as well, we have opted for the darker shades of colour. Going to the concerts of the bands I loved, I found I could express myself through what I wore, even though the clothing options are limited when jumping in a sea of tightly packed bodies, I felt I could wear darker clothes and darker make up and be around people who would not look twice or shoot a judgemental glance. Not to say now, when I'm walking down my local high street in all black with a lipstick named 'Blackberry' I don't get some glances and looks, but I don't really care anymore. I remember when I first started to wear what I wanted and take inspiration from catwalks and fashion icons themselves, I once wore something which to me now would seem normal but the me who was not used to being so adventurous felt so out of place, I physically went and bought a different item of clothing just to blend in. Blending in at times is more than good, but walking down the street kicking ass in the style department shouldn't be given a miss either.

I am aware that most of this is just me rambling on and I'm not entirely sure whether this will have helped any of you feel more confident at all. But honestly, be yourself. The amount of times you've heard that will probably be too many to count, and I can honestly say I am sorry to add to that but I cannot stress it enough. Do not bow down to the social pressure to fit in with everyone else, if you want to wear that eye catching coat, do it. If you want to die your hair that awesome colour that you've been yearning to do for months, do it. If you want to make a statement, do it. But make sure you do it in your own way, instead of feeling exposed to the world, see it as the world seeing you properly for the first time. Feel confident in yourself, because people can spot a person with confidence, and make that person you. I love fashion, I think I got it from my mum, and my dad ironically enough, with half of my wardrobe consisting of his old clothes and vintage Ray Bans. But not forgetting my best friend Fiona, without her I don't think I'd be able to be myself as much as I am, with a ridiculous amount of common interest she is the person I can relate to the most, so if she reads this, love ya kiddo. But honestly, be yourself. Don't be afraid to express yourself through fashion or in anyway you want to. 

Much love, 
Hayleigh x


Forever in your debt Fi, you've helped me become who I am x 

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